Who I speak to when I know not with whom I speak
Dear Soul,
photo by Pavan Trikutam
Dear Soul,
Who am I talking to exactly as I sit before this screen, typing these words?
A person?
A machine?
An audience of readers not yet born?
How should I decide?
Should I decide?
I recognize this much at least, dear soul, that I am in a quandary.
I know not the ontological status of the one to whom I speak. Even the word ‘whom’ as I’ve just used it feels questionable.
There is only one thing I know for certain:
I do not know.
My belief, dear soul, is that it is you that I speak to when I know not with whom I speak.
I sit before a chunk of electrified metal, tapping out patterns with my fingertips. I observe how this activity feels connected to my life’s unpredictable transformations.
If I try to listen through a field larger than my tiny lifetime my not-knowing expands, but also comes more precisely into focus.
But what ‘should’ I be most curious about?
The mysteries of THIS lifetime?
The mysteries of ALL lifetimes?
I rely on your whispering compass, dear soul, as I swim through infinite not-knowing.
Looking around at these other souls, I notice when they seem to be curious about the same things as I, and when they do not.
I value the feeling of belonging. I know how good it feels to rest my body against another body, especially when that other body is animated with love for me. Nothing brings more ease.
It also seems that, in this circumstance, my powers of perception are amplified. It becomes easier to love - that is, to suspend judgment.
When I dwell here, dear soul, your whispered non-words become more audible and intelligible.
As I read these words, the ones that appear while I make unintentional percussion music with my fingers, I see a question which I imagine you want me to ask:
Can I love not knowing? And, if I can, what might happen then?
It was you, dear soul, who taught me the joy of asking questions. You showed me how each question is a precise posture of attention with a value so much greater than its answer.
I’m grateful when you grant me the grace to live in that posture just to feel how it feels.
It seems to me, dear soul, that each new posture of not-knowing is a fresh opportunity to love.
Somatic Inquiry is a practice of deep listening that takes you below the level of your thinking mind and into your body where your compass is always oriented towards well-being.
April 24 & 29: Cultivating Relational Harmony through Somatic Inquiry