Dear Soul,
It was a shock when I discovered that there aren’t actually any rules.
Also, the shock repeats itself. It is no less shocking each time this truth confronts me, disguised as a decision. Yet, if I take the time to look closer, I repeatedly find:
What I thought I was “supposed to do” was only the momentum of my habits and beliefs.
It turns out that there are very few limits on my available choices beyond biology and physics. The infinite field of relationships that appears before me is ripe with possibilities.
The very first relationship to consider is with myself. This is also the easiest place to get stuck, dear soul. Do I feel attracted to being in this relationship? If not, game over.
So let me try again, let me look again.
What is it about me that I haven’t yet seen that could make me fall in love?
I don’t know. If I am already certain that it doesn’t exist, blind luck is my only hopeless hope.
But there is another way.
Attention, patience, curiosity and soft eyes may reveal what I haven’t seen before - and, strangely, when I finally fell in love with myself, what I saw was nothing at all.
It turned out that no justification was needed. I am that same love that brightened the whole world the moment I arrived, screaming and shitting myself. I was always beautiful.
Now, here I am, a worthy being - yet I still face this shocking truth:
There aren’t any rules and I may do as I please!
So, what is it that pleases me?!
At first, it was easiest to answer this question on the inside. Satisfying “needs” brought me back to equilibrium. I called that ‘pleasure.’ I was happy because I “got what I wanted.”
But the time came when that was no longer pleasing to me.
Looking around at these other faces, I wanted them to smile. I wanted them to be happy too.
Yet, that was up to them, not up to me. They refused to “give me what I wanted.”
Could I fall in love with them all the same, dear soul?
This is what I realized one day - that more than getting what I wanted, I wanted to fall in love with the world, with this temperamental life that wouldn’t give me what I wanted.
Could it be that, just like me, it required no special qualities in order to be loved?
What would it mean to simply love what is?
Eventually, I saw: it meant loving all of it.
This was not easy. Especially given the fact that there aren’t any rules.
But there was a silver lining:
There is no rule against loving not getting what you want.
Furthermore,
There is no rule against asking and being told ‘no.’
There is no rule against imagining the impossible.
There is no rule against betting against the odds.
There is no rule against doing what feels good.
There is no rule against loving without justification.
I don’t love this way consistently. It requires practice.
Yet each time I return to this place, practice feels like play.
Breath feels like laughter.
My body feels like spring.
Movement feels like dancing.
The world looks beautiful.
From this place, it makes perfect sense that, if there are no rules, I get to make them up!
And why would I design a game for myself that I am bound to lose?
Why should the game be designed for winning or losing in the first place?
When I rest in this love, patiently and attentively, allowing my spring-like body to expand with curiosity about the taste of each breath, the world transforms itself before my softened eyes.
Before me I see infinite worlds of relationship with absolutely no guarantee that I will get what I want, and every reason to play.
When you get stuck, the way you get stuck is absolutely unique to you - and so is the path to getting unstuck. It doesn’t work to follow someone else’s formula, nor does it work to leave out your body, mind, emotions or relationships. It’s all up to you and there are no rules.
Learn to love making up your own rules, this Saturday 12-3pm EST at the Creative Alchemy workshop - and come away with your own cheat sheet to take into daily life!